We all hear it. \u00a0For some it is a subtle rustle in the grass, a whisper in the wind. \u00a0For others it comes in as loud and clear as a squad of cheerleaders chanting from\u00a0mid-court\u00a0at\u00a0halftime. But I believe it is there for all of us. \u00a0Our inner voice that\u00a0talks\u00a0to us, warns us, supports us and\u00a0admonishes\u00a0us. \u00a0Periodically or sporadically, we may listen to it or even admit it exists. But I feel that when we heed its tug at the elbow, follow its “do” or “don’t” direction, life can be better and we feel more at peace.<\/p>\n
I also believe that nine times out of ten what that voice is saying is correct. \u00a0When we keep it on mute, we falter, we stumble. And when we turn up the\u00a0volume, our decision, our direction, the view ahead can be crystal clear.<\/p>\n
Now don’t think I am going all Oprah on you. \u00a0I assure you I am not. \u00a0I have\u00a0just\u00a0become\u00a0acutely\u00a0aware in the last few years of this gut response, the aforementioned inner voice, is there and it is calling to us in the most complex and simplest of situations.<\/p>\n
For instance, on the most basic level, how often do we ignore the voice that says, “Don’t say that. \u00a0Don’t go there with him\/her.” And when you do ignore that waving red flag, how is it workin’ for ya, huh? \u00a0Your boss liked what you said about the timing of your lunch break and the size of your paycheck? \u00a0Your daughter thanked you for telling her she had gained a few over the summer? \u00a0Really? For me, most often the big voice is my own ego\u00a0which\u00a0is incapable of keeping my mouth shut in a situation where I know before I utter the words they are going to cause me or someone I care about\u00a0nothing\u00a0but pain. \u00a0 But yet, I blurt them out as though I have no control and they forced themselves past tact, empathy and good sense. \u00a0And once out, we all know there is no rewind. \u00a0Those words\u00a0just\u00a0hang there between you and the\u00a0recipient\u00a0in an often awkward and ugly silence or erupt into an exchange laden with resentment and hurt.<\/p>\n
And nothing can reel those words back in. \u00a0Or erase them from the offended’s memory.<\/p>\n
Lately, I have been trying to heed that little “don’t say it” warning in my gut. \u00a0I would guess I am batting with around 30% success. \u00a0It’s so difficult to do because for some reason our mouths move much faster than our pea-sized brains and by the time self control catches up \u00a0to “the voice,” the damage is done.<\/p>\n
I am worst with those closest to me, my husband being most often the victim of my forked tongue. \u00a0If I am in the other room and I hear the\u00a0snack\u00a0drawer open or the Dibs box hit the counter, I can’t keep myself from calling in to ask if he didn’t like or have enough dinner. Or if he can see the\u00a0mandarin\u00a0oranges in the red mesh bag in the fruit bowl. \u00a0What\u00a0is wrong\u00a0with\u00a0me?! \u00a0“The voice” is screaming the whole time I am talking that this will get me nowhere but a place filled\u00a0with\u00a0silence and resentment. \u00a0And yet I\u00a0harangue\u00a0on and get what I deserve. \u00a0He puts the Dibs on top of coffee ice cream and tops it off\u00a0with\u00a0half a bag of cookies\u00a0just\u00a0to spite me and remind me he is a\u00a0grown\u00a0man with a mind and stomach of his own,\u00a0neither\u00a0of\u00a0which could or should be within\u00a0my control.<\/p>\n
On the flip side, “the voice” can point a new way, a fork in the road and bring a spontaneous string of events that would have been missed if you had stuck strictly to the plan and ignored it. \u00a0This\u00a0happened recently\u00a0with\u00a0my two daughers who were shopping\u00a0with me after Christmas. \u00a0Everything about the day has been a bit out of the ordinary. \u00a0I rarely have them in the car together since they both live on the west coast. \u00a0The stores weren’t crazy crowded like they usually are during\u00a0post\u00a0holidays sales. \u00a0It was raining\u00a0which bugged me but they loved since they seldom see it in ever-sunny LA.<\/p>\n
Anyway, we were on a tight schedule to do a thousand things during the length of a two year old’s naptime. \u00a0We had a list and we were checking it twice. \u00a0We were clicking along at a great pace until panic set in that the baby was awake and we had to go home. \u00a0I was at a stoplight. \u00a0Home was straight ahead but “the voice” said turn right. Really it did. \u00a0And I did. \u00a0We called home and low and behold the child was still sleeping and Pops was prepared to take over if he woke up. \u00a0We pulled into the parking lot and went to a shoe store the girls and I had not visited together in years. \u00a0Within minutes, they found exactly what they needed\/wanted. \u00a0On a roll, we went to another mall and as soon as we stepped into the first store I called my dentist for the fourth time that day to see if he could see me\u00a0about\u00a0a tooth problem I had been plagued\u00a0with\u00a0all during the holidays and he said he had\u00a0just\u00a0had a cancellation, could I come in five? \u00a0Which\u00a0I could and did. \u00a0The girls went on. List in tow, check, check, check.<\/p>\n
At the end of the day, I had a fixed molar, they had three exchanges, two new pairs of jeans and Pops had 45 minutes alone with his grandson.<\/p>\n
A win\/win. \u00a0All because “the voice” for no apparent reason said turn right.<\/p>\n
So the next time you are too\u00a0embarrassed\u00a0to move away from the person who has whooping cough behind you in a movie theater and “the voice” says it saw two empty seats five rows back, heed it. \u00a0If it says put on your seat belt and you argue you are only two blocks from home, do it. \u00a0If someone is smiling and “the voice” says if you open your mouth you’ll kill their day, clamp it. \u00a0And the real killer, when you finish an email and\u00a0hesitate\u00a0for even a\u00a0second\u00a0to push send, hit save and sleep on it.<\/p>\n
Or, if your dear friend is driving you hither and yon to help you get to doctors and supplies after surgery and, as she is distractedly calling for directions to the next stop, she pulls away from the gas tank with the nozzle still in her car tank making a big mess all over the concrete of the\u00a0Amoco\u00a0and the side of her car. \u00a0Don’t ask her if she is normally a good driver.<\/p>\n
I think it goes without saying I did that, but my voice told me to tell you.<\/p>\n
30% and counting. \u00a0Hope springs eternal.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
We all hear it. \u00a0For some it is a subtle rustle in the grass, a whisper in the wind. \u00a0For others it comes in as loud and clear as a squad of cheerleaders chanting from\u00a0mid-court\u00a0at\u00a0halftime. But I believe it is there for all of us. \u00a0Our inner voice that\u00a0talks\u00a0to us, warns us, supports us and\u00a0admonishes\u00a0us. …<\/p>\n