{"id":4709,"date":"2026-03-05T01:28:38","date_gmt":"2026-03-05T07:28:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/askmrsmom.com\/?p=4709"},"modified":"2026-03-05T19:49:49","modified_gmt":"2026-03-06T01:49:49","slug":"__trashed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/askmrsmom.com\/?p=4709","title":{"rendered":"Rear view mirror"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Well, here I am, pretty much on schedule for my quarterly blog.<\/p>\n

The new year blew in with its messy winter storms and sub-zero temperatures. Many of us made January 1st resolutions. Most often they center around giving up or adding something to improve our mental health, well being or longevity. And of course, the proverbial \u201cDry January\u201d has become as routine as an annual teeth cleaning. Although it always stymies me when someone tells me they\u2019re observing dry January as they sip a THC-infused social tonic. That is my kind of abstinence.<\/p>\n

In general, I am not a big fan of New Year\u2019s resolutions. I think they are hard to keep and have seldom changed my health or my life in any permanent way. So this year, rather than give up something, I have a different take. I\u2019m thinking more about giving back \u2014 resolving to make the world, even my small corner of it, a better place.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure whether it\u2019s our present cultural environment of anger, division, suspicion, political overload, or the lack of Walter Cronkite\u2019s nightly \u201cThat\u2019s the way it is\u201d reassurance, but I find myself seeking solid, old-fashioned kindness. Reminders that people are, at their core, intrinsically good. The national news many days leaves me worried and confused, yearning for truth somewhere amid the deluge of information and misinformation. I am looking inward, asking what I can do to help myself and others feel a sense of calm. That paternal pat on the knee assuring us it\u2019s all going to be OK.<\/p>\n

If life isn’t all about longevity, then how do I live it? And with whom? And for whom?<\/p>\n

So many people my age feel they\u2019ve spent their lives doing for others and now it is \u201cour time.\u201d But did we? Really? As I look back at my younger self, I wonder: is there anything better than a child reaching for your hand for no reason, or even better, reaching anyway when they are on the cusp of it being uncool and feeling too old? I think grandchildren are our gift to relive those moments with gratitude rather than the hurried, distracted, often overwhelming years of young parenthood.<\/p>\n

But instead of ruminating on those days with doubt or regret, I have a new perspective on my rear-view mirror.<\/p>\n

It has come into vivid focus. Not to elicit remorse, but to offer valuable guidelines to inform my present. And shining brightly in that reflection, guiding me forward, is my father.<\/p>\n

Forced into early retirement by his company\u2019s new owners, my dad did not see it as an end, but as a beginning. I don\u2019t remember him spending a single day angry, resentful, or wallowing in self-pity.<\/p>\n

Instead, he began a new era as an avid volunteer. He was already a member of the Lions Club, repurposing glasses and selling hotdogs at community events for their other favored charities. He delivered Meals on Wheels to the homebound. He mentored two young boys to adulthood with the Big Brother program. But his most impressive feat was joining the women\u2019s board of my hometown\u2019s largest hospital.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t be confused. My dad did not have a flirtatious bone in his body. He was by no means an extrovert, but he was always curious about medicine. With no men\u2019s board available, he joined the army of women in their red cotton jackets and Friday afternoon teased bonnets of gray hair. He first became treasurer, then secretary, and finally president of the auxiliary. Not once thinking of the rarity of his rise but simply doing what he came to do. Helping make the hospital a more comfortable place to be. He changed people\u2019s lives.<\/p>\n

Since January 1st, with that memory of my dad in mind, I\u2019ve been musing. Do I do enough? Do I do anything of real import?<\/p>\n

I tutor at a downtown Chicago high school, most of the students first-generation college hopefuls. Although it is immensely gratifying, it almost feels selfish, because I receive so much more than I give. Hugs. Renewed clarity. A step toward a long-held impossible dream.<\/p>\n

But all of that is what I get.<\/p>\n

So my present mojo is simple. Give. And give more. Even if it\u2019s smiling at the checkout clerk at the pharmacy. Letting the obnoxious person who cuts into your parking spot take it. Or finally visiting an older friend who lives alone and says “come see me” every time you bump into them. I\u2019ve realized it doesn\u2019t have to be magnanimous. Just small steps.<\/p>\n

My dad never advertised his goodness. He quietly practiced it.<\/p>\n

Every single day.<\/p>\n

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Well, here I am, pretty much on schedule for my quarterly blog. The new year blew in with its messy winter storms and sub-zero temperatures. Many of us made January 1st resolutions. Most often they center around giving up or adding something to improve our mental health, well being or longevity. And of course, the …<\/p>\n

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